Nglamar, oh nglamar….

What a stressful period for me, and it’s not over yet. I still have to endure this uncertainty I don’t know for how much longer.

Yeaah.. it’s about job. Now I don’t have job, and I’m frantically looking for job. I’ve been out of the job for the past 2.5 years now, well the 1st 2years I spent on getting my master degree, so that doesn’t count

So, after I was graduated back in September 2009, I have this huge confidence that I’m gonna get the job very soon. I mean, who wouldn’t want to take a Master of Strategic Management from the most prestigious University in this country. And adding to that, I have four years working in a multinational company, a real multinational company (we have people from all over Asia,e.g. Japanese, Singaporean, Indian, Malaysian, Philipinos, and even one Burmese).

So, I started to send applications. when none of those applications were responded, I tried to console myself, maybe it’s because of fasting month, so the recruitment is slowing down. Then, after the lebaran holiday I sent some more applications, and neither were responded. And, I tried to reason again, oo maybe because it’s almost end-of-year,so companies will start recruiting in the new year.

And so it goes. Until now. I think I’ve sent more than 300 applications, with only so little (less than 5) answered/responded.

And now I’m beginning to feel the pressure building up. I’m so stressful. Many people gave me suggestions, some say to start of my own business. Well, I don’t know. I don’t see myself as an entrepreneur type. Maybe I’m just too afraid to step in to something so unpredictable as entrepreneur.

That’s just me I guess. I’m a kind of person who analyze everything. Sometimes it’s good, but there’re also times when I just have to go with my gut,but I just couldn’t do it. My mind is always full of “what ifs”, thinking of thousands of scenarios possible. And those kind of thinking hindered me from ‘jumping into the water’

BTW, I just offered a position as a ‘financial consultant’. Well basically it’s a sales job. I dunno. I never thought of myself to become a sales type. I know I can be very persuasive, and I think I’m very good at identifying people’s reaction, so I would know if someone is interested in what I’m talking or she/he just playing polite with me. But, the thought of becoming a salesperson scares me a little bit. i mean, I usually shrugged off salesperson without having the courtesy to listened and to know first what he/she offered. Guess I’m afraid of rejection.

Rejection, yeah.. I think that’s the reason why I analyze so much. I’m so afraid of failure,so I thought of different scenarios, and try to have the best way to ‘enter’, and be a success.

I don’t know.. I just don’t know. If there’s one thing that keep me going, is the thought that it’s not gonna be like this forever, and hope that the it’ll turn up and becoming better. Keeping my fingers crossed for that

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